I take no interest in sport and can't tell lacrosse from ping-pong. I wish I knew, or could even appreciate, what it is that makes so many men loyal to a team and how they can be moved to tears of joy or misery when it wins or loses. There's only one sporting event I might devote five or ten minutes to in the absence of anything better to watch. What's it called... not the high-jump... you know the one where magnificently proportioned boys in frontally well-filled speedos dive off a high board? That one. For me, it's more studying anatomy than watching sport. I couldn't care less who wins.
So, to the video. Artemis from Athens e-mailed it to me this morning. In a match between French teams AS Groville and FC Mufflins - both made-up names - a player begins to lose his shorts, and thereby displays a very nice bum, one that to the touch would be like india rubber under silk. He then appears to pull off the ultimate in macho feats by scoring a goal with his cock, un but avec la bite, though we must be sceptical here, as that would surely have been debilitatingly painful. Whether or not he actually scores it with his tackle, the goal is allowed, and this gives rise to what for me is the best part of the video, a protest where the umm, members of the opposing team drop their shorts and wave their tools at the ref. Imagine that over here. This wonderfully gallic, phallic form of protest would have British MPs calling for disciplinary action and sending players on courses in Appropriate Behaviour Awareness and bleating that these-young-men-should-be-more-responsible-in-their-position-as-role-models-for-boys, yada yada yada. Bah, c'est des conneries, tout ça! If defiant dick-waving were a regular feature of football matches, I'd start watching and would finally have some criteria for choosing a team to support. I suppose they'd have to change the name of the sport - shaftball, or something. Any suggestions?